Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
