I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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