i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're like the curious george of whores
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
