I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
