I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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