Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My feet surprised me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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