He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
