I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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