people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
