Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
