I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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