I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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