Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
