It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
