yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
