It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
