Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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