Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
