i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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