You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
