nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
