Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
