get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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