Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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