a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
