omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
