The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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