I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
