So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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