Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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