my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize