I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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