aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
