my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize