last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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