And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
