she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
