I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
