let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
