i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
