I accidentally had phone sex last night
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
