i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
third nipple confirmed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
