Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
