OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
