if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
