How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
