Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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