im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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