She is in my trunk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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