so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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