Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Randomize
