she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I die, sorry about rent.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
