Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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