Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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