were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
