The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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