Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
