I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
