it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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