no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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