Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
