He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
