Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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