You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
