making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
