Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
