you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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