She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
