census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just threw up on my dentist
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
