This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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