I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
