Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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