I haven't been this sober since birth.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
