we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
