she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
