I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
