On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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