i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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